I am learning to focus on the task at hand with undivided attention. My habit is doing dishes and listening to Dharma Talks, driving and listening to the radio. When I am in the temple, I can just focus on the task at hand; it could be doing dishes, sweeping floors, or pulling weeds without any distractions. But when I am alone at home, although sometimes my mind is settled, a lot of times, my mind is scattered, making me feel uneasy and anxious. I have to play the dharma talks, hoping the calm voice of the teacher soothes the anxiety of my mind. Then I can relax doing dishes, folding laundry, or washing the floor.
I often feel not quite content or at ease, not at peace with myself or feel well in my skin. I always feel I should do better or do more, and I might be doing it wrong, whether in meditation, work, life, or singing. So I asked the teacher the question, “What about I always feel I might be doing it wrong?” The teacher answered: “Only when you just do it, you will know right then what it is. Just use the method, let go of ‘right’ or ‘wrong’.”
Maybe I could just meditate, just sing, just live in the present moment without constant commenting, analyzing, criticizing, judging. There is no right or wrong way of living life. I can spare myself the constant pressure of doing it right, knowing I am doing my best, allowing myself to make mistakes. Maybe I can relax and just live. Maybe life could be effortless, and just be natural, also known as go with the flow. It is very hard for me to relax in the present moment. I am still trying to not try too hard.
Written by Yan-Shuo Zhang 2022.3.22
Photo：Dharma Drum Vancouver Centre