I enjoyed the retreat very much. Heart felt sincere gratitude to the teacher and all participants.
I learned to accept all my emotions, including negative ones like jealousy and anger. I fight myself so hard all the time. It feels like I have a split personality. Sometimes I feel upset, jealous and angry, but I thought I should not. I feel bad for having these negative emotions. I do not give myself permission to be human. I always think that I should be better, calmer, more loving and forgiving. I should know better. I am learning to accept who I am and be OK with how I feel. It takes strength to say this is who I am with all my faults and emotions. Not to judge myself. Thanks very much to Rebecca for the interview.
I am learning to say Hi to the parts of myself, that I ignored for so long, please come in to my heart, here I have space for you. It is OK, however you feel, I am with you, not to leave that part of self outside in the cold, not to face it.
All the trees in the woods have different shapes. However bent, crooked, no tree is imperfect; they are all perfect just the way they are. So am I and everybody else, because we all have different causes and conditions. No one is better or worse than the other. I am learning to accept and be happy with myself and others without judging and faultfinding. Trust it is all good. Life gives me what I need.
Written by Wendy Zhang 2020.8.4
Photo: Vancouver Chan Meditation Centre